. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.˚₊‧꒰ა ᰔ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.

do you sometimes feel like you are masking yourself in front of some people?
or knowing you are lying just to be accepted?

it doesn’t feel good, right?
every time i used to do that, i would feel bad about myself, like i wasn’t confident enough.
or i’d leave thinking about all the things i didn’t say, even though i wanted to.

but then i noticed myself with people who i feel the exact opposite with.
people i am somehow 200% myself around.

there are only a few people like that.
and it’s very rare.

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.˚₊‧꒰ა ᰔ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.

yes, there are your parents who have known you since you were born,
but they don’t always see the version of you that comes out with your friends —
the crazy, weird side. the party side.

that’s why i’m really grateful for my siblings.
they’ve seen me since i was born, and in some ways, they know me even more than my parents do.

but what about others?
once you move out, they won’t be as close as they used to be.

i started realizing that with many of my friends, i don’t fully feel like myself (if that makes sense).

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.˚₊‧꒰ა ᰔ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.

but then there was one person.
with him, i didn’t care if i should change or not.
i was just too tired of it. i couldn’t pretend anymore.

so i started acting more and more like myself.
and i thought — if he doesn’t like who i truly am, then what’s the point?

and something really unexpected happened.

every time i was about to see him, i felt excited.
because deep down, i knew i wouldn’t have to pretend.
i wouldn’t have to put on another mask.

it felt so freeing.

someone accepting me for who i am?
i wasn’t used to it.

but to be fair, it wasn’t just me.
that person changed me too.

even the little things i usually hide around others,
he was one of the few people who never made me feel weird about them.

he never side-eyed me.
he either joined me or just laughed at how crazy i am.
but he never judged me.

and that made me realize something.

i’m not that weird.
and people can still like me without me putting on a mask.

when i came to my exchange year, i told myself i refuse to change.
people will either like me or not.

and honestly?
it was the best decision ever.

btw, just for reference of how i make friends —
i start by being weird and a little crazy from the beginning.
if they match my energy, we’re friends.
if not… i’m just like BAAYYY 😭

and so far, it works pretty well.

. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.˚₊‧꒰ა ᰔ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁.

so thank you, if you’re reading this,
you’re the reason i started loving who i am.

i always say,

“being normal is boring. be weird.” ♡

love,
hana