have you ever caught yourself scrolling through your gallery and thinking,
“damn, i looked so different back then.”

yeah, same.
for me, it’s usually in the winter, looking at photos from summer, being tan, having clear skin, no stress.
or sometimes looking at 13-year-old me, thinking i knew everything already and was the “cool teenager.”

then i started thinking…
when did i grow up?
when did i get so tall?
when did i gain so much weight all of a sudden?
why do i sometimes feel disconnected from my body?

how was this my last christmas as a child?

when did all of this happen?

there are days when i feel like a robot.
just surviving. making my body move even when i don’t want to. eating something just because i have to eat.
sometimes i don’t recognize myself in the mirror — looking at my features, how different i used to look.
bigger cheeks. more acne. blonder hair.

where is the little girl wishing to be the “cool 17-year-old me?”

now i’m trying to understand that it’s normal — and okay — to feel this way.
we are becoming women in just a few years.
our bodies go through so many changes.
we get our period. we grow taller. we suddenly gain weight after staying the same for years. our hips get wider.
it’s a lot.

and you know what?
change is actually good.
you’re becoming a real woman.

and the best part?
you can wear your mom’s heels.

and remember — these changes don’t mean anything bad.

bigger cheeks? bigger smile.
more acne? more oily skin, which probably means fewer wrinkles in the future.
blonder hair? now i have that dirty blonde, honey-colored hair with natural highlights you can’t get from any hair dye.

and our minds change too.
we start thinking differently. noticing more adult things. becoming one ourselves.

that’s just how it is.
we are growing up, our bodies and our minds.

so if you sometimes don’t feel like you’re fully in your own body, remember this:
you don’t have to force yourself to love it immediately, no matter what everyone says.

it takes time.
and that’s okay ♡

love,
hana